is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
