Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
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