So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
