Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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