I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What a dumb baby whore.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
