im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
