There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize