I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
