Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
