You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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