Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
