He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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