he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
