ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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