i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
