Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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