Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
