The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
