so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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