69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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