4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
