Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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