He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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