MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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