...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm passing your future prison.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
