would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
