I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
