i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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