Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
