8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
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