I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dignity is for republicans.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
