FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
