I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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