smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
