I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize