do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
