i just made my gag reflex go away.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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