I think I am morally bankrupt
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
