I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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