Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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