Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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