did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
