so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
