We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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