Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
