Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
