everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
