shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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