Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
