I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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