I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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