it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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