haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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