so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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