I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
