yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Randomize
