no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
