I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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