haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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