the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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