I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
