Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
