You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize