I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
