the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
