Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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