My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I feel like death gave me a hand job
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
