seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
