i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
