doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize