it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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