Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
