I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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