Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
