If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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