i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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