Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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