You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he shaved USA in his pubs
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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