just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
