She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
