I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
