I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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