If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
His nipple licking is glorious
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