forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
