So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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