He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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