Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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