Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
