What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she peed on how many people?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
