Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
