Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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