y did u give ur computer a hand job?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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