If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
