Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
please come you make the beer taste better
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
