yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
