maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
